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Radio Free Tote Bag

Welcome to Radio Free Tote Bag! A weekly relationship advice podcast hosted by Audrey and Donovan.

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Latest Episodes

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Episode 33

October 31, 2018

#33 The RFTB Halloween Spooktacular!

The moon is full and the werewolves are on the prowl. Bats zoom through the sky and accidentally turn into their human form in mid air and fall several hundred feet onto unsuspecting trick or treaters, terrifying them! And Arthur is haunted by the specter of heartbreak and is handling it questionably. But we're here for him, because it's the RFTB HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR! We tackle hypothetical infidelity, the splitting of costs, penis envy, the realities of careers and relationships, being single as your age advances, those three little words, and worries over a son's isolation - all while deftly weaving in Halloween references that range from related to EXTREMELY TANGENTIAL. Spoopy! Don your spookiest garb and come trick or treating with us - only this time the trick is HEARTBREAK and the treat is OUR SOOTHING VOICES. ...

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01:11:38

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Episode 32

October 25, 2018

#32 Folks!

What's the deal with tote bags? In this episode we crack open our aspirational stand-up notebooks and share some of our musings at the top of the show. If you can make it through that, there's relationship advice galore! We dabble a bit in pubsecent reunions, post-coitus avoidance and text deciphering. We hit up the question box for some fan engagement. We explore the topics of ghosting and cat phishing. It's good! ...

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01:10:24

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Episode 31

October 18, 2018

#31 Tough Love and the Cat Ham

We're livin the high life folks, except it's that LIGHT high life. We talk light beer, the magic of booze, and Donovan ripping ass while trying to show off at the gym. The beer is smooth and so is he. On the other hand sometimes you can't just rip one right in life's face. Sometimes there are loved ones' feelings involved, even if objectively their music or massive collages or personalities just aren't that great. Or maybe they're 80-something and nearing death's door and you might want to suck up the bad times because you might not have much time left with em. Or maybe your friend's in some important pictures but she doesn't like em but it's not like you can redo your whole goddamn wedding day. In these cases you gotta tread the tightrope carefully and RFTB can help. ...

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01:05:44

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Episode 30

October 11, 2018

#30 Dirty Thirty

What's good in Tote Land? This cool episode, that's what. Donovan sees it coming, then Arthur shares an awkward interaction with an old. Remember, if you're planning a trip, respect your trip buddy's feelings about strip clubs. Your flaps are fine. Don't let yourself get sucked into your partner's couch spiral. If you're the funny guy, lean into it. You can use the phrase "No srsly" though. Learn to DJ and throw parties at your place if your friends wanna go out all the time and you wanna stay in. Your libidos aren't always gonna match up, so talk it out, then bang it out. Get her an IUD-Day gift. DON'T LOOK A GIFT DICK IN THE BALLS! ...

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01:08:23

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Episode 29

October 04, 2018

#29 This One's Gotta Lotta Tunes

Oh man, dear listener, this one has some good ones. And some segment theme songs by our very own DJ Rocketnerd. And some musical drops.But we promise nothing crazy loud like that Linkin Park episode. Also Dono with a special segment on spotting tinder bots. It's RFTB episode 29 rock and friggin roll! Nighttime cock sleeptalk, chewing on lips like they're bubble gum while you're making out? What? Your comically bourgeois family rejecting your mere commoner of a fiance. An anonymous question box question about a guy at work who won't stop blowing up your smartphone like it's a balloon or something. (Maybe throw an unsavory balloon at him!) Self-awareness - that you may be the problem in the relationship. Finding out that MLMs are whack as fuck and then gettin an upgrade from casual friends to real good friends. Hit it! ...

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00:58:02

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Episode 28

September 27, 2018

#28 Segue-O-Rama

How about we go from doing what you were just doing, to listening to the podcast while doing what you're doing. Did you feel that POKE in your chest? It's Radio Free Tote Bag! Arthur saw The Nun. It sucked. We answered some question box queries and y'know what? It was dope. Remember these things. Puke happens. If presented with the opportunity, enter the pillow fort. Maintain appropriate distance. GO TO THE DOCTOR IF YOU'RE GREGNANT. Don't offer your friends up to strangers for threesomes. Follow through on Olive Garden plans. Finally, don't judge your partner for their number of partners before you! ...

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01:01:41